TOXIC PURGE Phase 2
So long, Agustus Gloop
My name is Heather, and I'm a chocoholic.
Some people can have a little nibble of chocolate and push it away. Well, I am not like "some people". There is nothing dainty about the way I consumed chocolate. I would often stop at a gas station - sometimes twice in a day - to get my chocolate fix. Chocolate could be found in multiple drawers of my kitchen, in addition to the obvious pantry and fridge. My mom had a chocolate chip drawer growing up, so of course I did too. As did my sister. One year my husband was given a HUGE (and by HUGE, I mean 4' long) box of chocolates from his office. He brought them home to me and I hurried them up to my craft room and locked the door. NOBODY was going to get my prized box of chocolates! Every meal needed to be followed by having "just a little something sweet" which usually meant a bag of M&M's or handful of chocolate chips. My addiction to chocolate was truly out of control. I had a love/hate relationship with my chocolate. I LOOOVVVED it so much, but I hated how it had such a hold over me.
Phase 2 of my toxic purge was removing chocolate from my diet. I honestly didn't think I could do this. Now that I had been alcohol free for 2 years, giving up my next favorite thing seemed absurd. But it had to be done. I had what I called a "sugar muscle" in the back of my neck which seemed to act up every time I ate chocolate. It felt as if someone was wringing this one muscle that ran along my spine. I knew it was directly related to my chocolate consumption because it flared up every single time I ate chocolate. I was ready for the pain to stop. I also knew I was teetering on becoming type 2 diabetic. My numbers were high and I was warned to cut back on my sugar intake. I knew chocolate was the culprit. I wouldn't stop at a gas station to get Skittles or Sweet Tarts, only chocolate. Chocolate had to go.
Just like alcohol, I began to romanticize chocolate and play out in my head how I would NEVER have my mom's Christmas fudge again. Or I would think about those decadent chocolate cakes nice restaurants serve, or warm chocolate chip cookies, or Halloween candy. Was I really ready to NEVER have those things again? Well just like they say in AA - one day at a time. One day chocolate free turned into 2. Then it was a week. Next thing you know, it had been a month, Then six. One year chocolate free then turned into two, and before I knew it, I had gone 5 years with NO CHOCOLATE. And I mean NO chocolate. Not even licking my fingers when I made brownies for my family. Not one single chocolate chip which would fall out of the bag, or an M&M in a handful of trail mix. Zero chocolate.
How does it feel being chocolate and alcohol free? Liberating. It feels absolutely liberating. I can walk past a bowl of candy on someone's desk and know I will not take a piece. I can look at the desserts offered and know chocolate is off the table. I didn't say no to ALL sugar, just chocolate. Trust me, I found alternatives. They were a good crutch for a while, but their days were numbered too.
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